Unsplash | Ethan Robertson

Denim Speedos Are A Thing And They're Here To Ruin Your Summer

caitlyn.clancey 11 May 2019

Ah, summer.

The glorious season of sticky sunscreen, sandy shoes, and melting ice cream cones is fast approaching and I have to say, I'm ready to ditch the cold weather blahs and embrace everything summer has to offer.

Although perhaps, not everything.

With the summer season comes summer clothing.

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Remember in the old days when this just meant shorts and sandals? Well, not anymore. We've become a pretty daring and experimental species when it comes to summer fashion. Is this a bad thing? We can't decide.

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For instance, some men like to don the legendary "mankini" when they hit the beach.

Yellow Octopus

You know exactly what this is when you see it, and you know exactly who wore it first to encourage the men of the world to follow in his hideously misguided footsteps.

(Yeah, we're looking at you, Borat.)

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Yeah, the mankini was bad, but these are definitely worse.

Shinesty

Behold, "jeados."

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They're exactly what they sound like: jean speedos.

Shinesty

Because just wearing a speedo wasn't bad enough - now it can be a denim speedo!

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This eyesore of a speedo isn't actually denim, but it sure plays the part.

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Sold online via the retailer Shinesty, the bathing suits feature a denim print design that (cleverly?) fools the eye into believing its seeing thick denim.

So, while you're busy taking a dip in the pool or wading into the ocean, everyone else around you can stare and judge you for committing the most heinous fashion crime ever.

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Don't worry ladies, they didn't forget about you.

Shinesty

Shinesty also offers a denim bathing suit for women so you can proudly match your man while you blissfully walk hand in hand on the beach because you two must be in love if you would do this together.

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If the traditional blue denim look isn't your thing, Shinesty has you covered.

Shinesty

Let your freak flag fly with these "assid" wash jeados instead.

I didn't think it was possible but these are somehow worse than the other ones.

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The "jeados" are a total bargain at $40 a pair.

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But let's be honest, can you really put a price on fashion?

Yes, yes you can. Just go buy regular swim shorts.

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